This has been such a long and exhausting two weeks. I've learned things about myself, and my family that I never knew. I've been north and south again and again with a cranky newborn and a sick 4 year old. I've learned new technology on my computer and dredged up photos that no one has looked at in decades. I reconnected with some siblings, and felt a rift with others. I watched my husband's family deal with their grief and loss over an aunt while feeling guilty because my tears were not for her. I've gained a fresh perspective on my state of being. l love my home, my family, my own identity.
I will always miss James. I've struggled with the thought that maybe I didn't love him as much as my other family members did, because I just never could let it all go and "cry it out." But in quiet moments - when no one is expecting anything of me - I see clearly how much I looked up to my biggest brother. I always thought he was the most impressive mind, the quickest witt, and the most dashing countenance. I loved him. I loved him without him ever really knowing how much. We used to play a mind game - everytime I saw him I would throw my arms around him and tell him I loved him. I knew it made him uncomfortable and I liked to watch him squirm. He would almost always answer with some avoidance, "okay" or "sounds good." But there were a few times, I remember them because they shocked me, when he actually answered with "I love you too."
I will always be grateful for that simple memory. We were not close in age, physical proximity, personality, hobbies, etc. But I loved and idolized James, and I hold to the fact that he loved me too. I'll say it one more time: "James, I love you!"
And with that, I want to quote a bit from a Dr. Suess book that has been stuck in my head. It answers the very profound question, "What now?"
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
So, on we go everyone... knowing better now how much love and pain affects each one of us. So make your love count for all it is worth.
A shot of the theater area through the dividing curtain. It seats around 25 people.
This is the concessions area. And in the back right corner is the component cabinet.
We made the ruffly sound curtains with dowels and fabric, super cheap. The window is covered by a pressboard covered with batting and fabric. Very simple, and effective.
The black tape designates the center isle. We thought it would be a good idea to have a way for people to get in and out. The doors in the theater area are always closed and locked. That way you have to exit and enter via the concessions stand! *evil laugh...ha ha ha!!
Looking back from the screen into the lobby area. The curtains were difficult to make, and didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, but now I have experience for next time. 
